ages since i posted. very busy. crazy much. tell you all about it later maybe. not good stuff so maybe best to just let it die its natural death.
all these questions about the offer i got for my weekend at the beach!
all i can say is, those porn stars have balls. 27 inches of cock is daunting. very daunting. (and mouth watering – someone get me a bucket for my drool, STAT)
so it would seem that i 1) have found my USB cable, and 2) have a feature wall in my dining room now
and one in my bedroom (you can tell im completely stuffed – theres no pillowy goodness and the beds not made……
and i have a second pretty green feature wall in my living room, with bugalugs eating on the floor in the middle of the mess he has made. If you look closely enough you can see where he got the roller and painted my carpet.
Good thing I was planning on pulling that up anyway.
As for the other pics…….. well……. this will have to do you for now
So can you tell what my girlfriend likes about me? Im thinking its not my baby blues……
Or so said my FIRST EVAH GROUPIE this afternoon.
Thats right y’all! You heard me! I gots me a groupie! She says shes not a weirdo so I cant really call her a stalker, and weve only had one chat, so she doesnt really qualify……LOL
What the fuck am I on about? Well, I have my comment whores (hiya!) and I have my email tag fans (mwah!) but never before has one added me to msn before! Well, not until today, natch!
Imagine my surprise when some chick adds me and Ive got no idea where from. Of course, I instantly assume Dickhead has been bored in Lebland and has been cruising for chicks for me to fuck (no doubt as a result of the last post – sorry for teh hawtness all!) Oh how retarded of me though! Hes not been trying to set me up with a shag! Its some sheila who ‘parrently has read lots of my shite here and wanted to say howdy and shower me with praise! (Alas no expensive gifts though, whats up with that? Future groupies please note: preference WILL be given according to price tag)
So we had a bit of a chat about all sorts a crap until Dickhead logged in from the land-of-dodgy-phone-reception-and-electricity-that-is-not-always-available. Fancy that, a place where you go to turn things on (like your computer) and they just decide they dont feel like working right now and say “nup”. hmmmm. Computer says no, indeed?
Or perhaps the title could also refer to what is currently going through Dickheads head right now? In response to the right royal cock up – or to be more precise, cock upS – that i just caught him in.
Wow. This looks like being my very first ever inter-continental break-up! My retarded fucked-up-ed-ness knows no bounds! No longer is my fucktardary limited to just ONE lousy continent……. well, one at a time – Ive been fucked up on at least 3 continents so far, just never more than one at a time! Do I get a supertard cape yet tephs? Surely my own theme song at the very least?
Or perhaps the title could also be about what IM thinking. Maybe about all the money, time, effort and heartache I have poured into this man. Maybe the soul I gambled at the craps table (where else) and have so obviously lost. My die hit the table edge and fell apart! It wasnt even a shit number that was turned up – i fucked it up even worse than just that. Now nobody wins, not even the house.
And now im just being melodramatic and jeuvenille.
And fuck you if you dont like it. The last post was all hot n steamy. And Im a girl. You know theres a price to pay if we share a night of awesome sex! Consider this the next time I see you at the club, and I bust your balls for not calling me the morning after.
Or dont. See if I care. Its my blog, and ill cry if I want to. Why not, Ive been doing it at home for the last hour. Isnt that what your supposed to do when your man breaks your heart?
So can someone please tell me what the correct ettiquette is for when hes a million miles away, stomps all over it, and then yells at you because he cant fix it from way over there, and its stressing him out? Because I think I must have jugged that day at finishing school. Oh noes! My bad!
Oh jebus, what have I done?
In spite of this blog usually being full of cmpletely inane and inconsequential crap, my life actually has substance.
And Dickhead really is overseas right now being seen by a doctor (who i firmly believe is a quack) for a significant and incurable illness.
Dear readers, I need your help.
I am 100% seriously calling on the blogosphere […]
I just sent Dickhead an email that encapsulated pretty much all the big bits of my world right now, both those talked about here, and offline with people, and seeing as im such a lazy beeyotch, i thought that Id just copy paste it here, to update everyone, and just change the names etc.
————————————————————-
To: Dickhead@farfaraway.com.au
From: Honey@stillrighthere.com.au
Subject: Feel Good Inc
things on the *big scary thing* front seem better and are almost fixed. seems to be all ok. i just got off the fone to *lady from big scary thing* and its all going fine. stress all but over. 99.9% happy. my tummy is returning to normal, so you should be jumping up and doing a dance.
can i please have the log book for the *Dickheadmobile*
forward moevement on the panel beating issue, with the doors and front bar sorted, he just wants to get a friend to look at the bonnet re the dents, as it may be a cheaper option to get his friends dent fixing company to do that bit, rather than pay his boys to do it. if not, he will. so alls good there.
bit of bad news, you need a new alternator too. but thats easy enough to sort out, so no big deal.
oh and i really really need that log book please so we can go through the cars history and try and work out before hand if theres any other gremlins that might pop up, before we pull the whole thing apart. yes we. i have been roped in to assist, in order to speed things up etc.
alls going well on the car front it seems. well, not WELL, but forward. am just looking at all the options and then will make a decision on best way to go that will give best results vs effort and money.
miss you
love you
and this house painting thing is awful, but *MINs real name* is coming round to help – with a few bottles of wine, over the next week or two, so just dont get a shock if you come back and my house is all, well, looking like it was painted by two drunk women.
————————————————————-
umm
I am currently absolutely covered in paint. I look like an absolute tool……OH! That reminds me!
please excuse me while I go change a collegue of thee Big Man’s computer wallpaper to read “LEE IS A TOOL”
yes, i am easily amused.
Like, 7 days or so scince i last posted! Holy Fuckoly! Is that a record for me?
Hmmm, whats been going on in that time?
Lets see, dealing with Dickhead being away, dealing with being sick, running around like a headless chook trying to fit a million things into….. oooooh, about 5 minutes?
Lets see, a two minute wrap up? Sure! I can do that!
St Paddys eve was spent shagging one of the guys who offered me their number at the Big Man’s shop. St Paddys Day was spent at footy with bugalugs (45-10 TAKE THAT GPB!), shopping, hanging with Old Yeller and his family (doing DHs work stuff but also just generaly hanging) and chatting to DH on the fone. St Paddys Night turned into a shermozzle with my GF (yes ACTUAL gf, one that i shag, not just a friend) cancelling due to a break down/accident/whatever in the rain, then all the friends id turned down for my night without bugalugs had already gone to pubs n clubs all over sydney & surrounds, and im not one to go to a pub/club alone anymore, so I called Mr Bardarkis from Big Man’s (not the friday night shag – another one) and we went to PJ Gallaghers at Parra. Ran into a few friends there, took Mr Bardarkis home (as he had to be home by 12 before he turned into a pumpkin so he could go visit his missus after work) and headed back to PJs (ie Notorious Pick Up Joint). Ran into more friends, took one home, shagged him, returned him to his home, got back to mine to find GF had made it after all, shagged her, fell asleep. (as would you after dropping an e and having a couple of drinks to boot).
St Paddys aftermarth saw the return of Bugalugs, hanging out at mins for ages, and a few things ive now forgotten. Sun Night saw another random shag, and then basically exhausted sleep.
The whole of last week saw me sick, with not much to tell besides a few random shags, a bit of talking to DH overseas and a huge fight with the GF.
This past weekend saw Bugalugs team win by an enormous amount – the other team scored one try, and we scored, well, i stopped counting at about 10ish. too bad, so sad WWs! Then some more shagging, with sat nights random being the best pussy licking ive ever had in my life, followed by a freaking awesome shag. Too tired to speak to DH afterwards. Wonder why? Didnt call him at all, or again Sunday night after yet another shag from Big Man’s shop.
Who said you cant mix business and pleasure? Isnt that what they say to do? Find something you like and are good at and turn it into a business? Maybe I should………oh……. wait a minute…….. they already have an industry for what i like and am good at…….. DOH!
Today, monday, was again a DH free day. Even though they are now only 7hrs behind, not 9 like before (the weekend saw us go back 1hr, and lebanon go forward 1hr – so helpful!)
However it did have a bit of a revelation in that i stuffed up something i did the other night, at midnight, whilst doing 10 other things at once, sick as a dog, and obviously should have just gone to bed and finished it in the morning. I stuffed something up. And tomorrow i have to own up to it and hopefully not get in too much trouble. (and this is a bit of an understatement, this paragraph – but it serves my purpose, being that if i mention it here i will recall the situation, and what i should be doing to ensure it doesnt repeat itself – namely not do so much at one time, and not do things when im nt feeling well, as i particularly dont want my cock ups to affect others)
For further information, or if symptoms persist, please seek medical advice, or simply ask that i elaborate.
However i may choose not to do so. Im moody like that.
.
.
.
oh, and would someone kindly tell my cramping muscles to shut the fuck up and stop waking me in the middle of the night because they are oxygen starved and feel like squishing up so much that it feels like my hands, forearms, feet and calves are going to drop off from pain? please? Thankyou, your such a darl!
oh, and what the fuck is with this headache of mine?
oh and how did we all go with voting on saturday? did we ALL look at that disposable tablecloth we get handed each election and think “so much on offer, and so little to choose from” or was it just my electorate that got all the really shit candidates?
btw, twas my youngest sister’s first foray into the realm of voting……. she wasnt impressed. Cant say i blame her. Bugalugs had the best time of all, taking everyones votes and putting them in the “special bins” as he so aptly called them. (my whole family decended en masse to the local polling booth, as we were all present at the family home – im sure it was impressive – and that the marking-your-names-off-a-book-so-we-think-were-special people were impressed – 6 names in a row to draw a line through! Im sure it was the top story round the water cooler schoolyard bubblers later on)
Your poetry has been given a run for its money HERE
I really dont know which bit of this post to talk about first, so ill just copy paste the lot here for your viewing pleasure. Dont say I never do anything for you guys!
Cliffordz Rap:
Yo, yo. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah. Feel it. Alright.
Yo. Yo. Turn that beat up a little bit. Yeah. No a little more. Yeah. Turn it up yeah. Uh. Uh huh. Yeah. Turn it up more. Oh yeah. Turn it—Ah god that’s too loud. Turn it down right now. Turn it down a bit more. Quick. Yeah. That’s right. Uh huh. Much better, thanks. Yo. Yo. Check it.
My name is Clifford and I really like to rap. I’m rapping right now and I’m rapping all the time.
I rap real good and I rap real fast. And if you don’t just like it then you can just shut the hell up fast.
Yo. Check it fools. Don’t be dissin’ my rhymes, otherwise I be getting angry all the times. Then I just might diss you back, although when I diss it be like a rap attack (which is in your face.)
Yeah. I like to have sex with bitches, sometimes in ditches, I be countin my riches, with these bitches, in the ditches. For ever.
So don’t be intimidated by my skillz, and don’t stand close when I cough or else I will make you illz. But not ill as in good at rappin, but ill as in all day toilet crappin.
Speakin of crap, oh look it’s your face. I’ve never seen anything uglier except the time a dog took a dump on your face.
I’m constantly improvin, like home improvement, with the main guy who does the grunting sounds, not that fat guy Roy or whatever his name is. He is rubbish.
So alright it’s time for me to be out. My toast be comin out of the toaster and my bagels be poppin out the oven, so don’t think I’m a boaster but I know I got the house pumpin. Or grinding, possibly both simultaneously.
Keep it real in your heart constantly, peace and for real.
Gold, Pure Gold. Thats Tops.
Its the whole website though really – I just cant choose what to point out first.
Its awesome. Check it!
Bjork is a fucking crazy psycho bitch. Guess thats why i heart her so.
So that explains the title, but really i meant it to say that much is happening here in the beehive. Im crazy arsed mother fucking busy. I have some huge plans being put into action. Most of which are not ready to […]
Well, peoples reactions to the fact that Dickhead has left me alone for 8 weeks has been interesting to say the least.
You’d be surprised what people really think about you.
Including going to a clients of mine, and having a number of them want to give me their numbers. Or take mine. Or both. Or invite me out. Or just offer their “services” if I find myself feeling lonely. And asking how exactly I plan on managing without a man for 8 weeks.
Bloody Lebbos!
Always looking to get their end in.
And all with the line “dont let the Big Man* know”
Which shant be a problem. Because although many of them are more than a little bit perve-worthy (some reach the phwar category), mixing work and pleasure? Even if I DIDNT have Dickhead, it would still NOT HAPPEN. Simply asking for trouble, that!
*Big Man is the boss, and also a very large man – over 6 feet and large build too.
